


What Words Cannot Say

by hypercharles



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: 5 +1 things, 5 Things, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 11:43:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20778017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypercharles/pseuds/hypercharles
Summary: Five times someone says “I love you” and the one time Temperance says it back





	What Words Cannot Say

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by a quote. I'm not sure of the origins of this quote, but i heard it one day and wrote it down, anmd its been one of my favorite quotes ever since. "She wants to say 'i love you,' but keeps it to 'goodnight,' because love will take some falling, and she's afraid of heights.

Temperance doesn’t like the words “I love you.”

Actually, she has no problem with the individual words. It’s when they are all put together that she starts to have problems.

It’s okay when people say it to her. Bones can either ignore it, choose not to believe it, or accept it. As long as the other person doesn’t expect her to reciprocate the words, everything is fine.

It’s not that she doesn’t love anyone, she does. She has quite a few people in her life that she loves. At first, she tried to convince herself that love was a frivolous emotion, and that she didn’t need it. But as time went on and as she grew closer to her friends, she realized that love wasn’t really all that bad. It felt kind of nice, that kind of devotion.

It’s saying the words out loud that she still hasn’t managed to do.

* * *

It starts when her parents vanish.

The night before wasn’t particularly noteworthy. A regular day at school, dissecting a toad in the backyard, dinner, and so on. She plays a round of cards with her dad (and loses miserably), and then decides it’s time for bed. Her parents say goodnight, and she says “I love you” as she heads up the stairs.

Her parents are gone the next day.

She and Russ spend nearly a week in limbo, waiting for their parents to return. After the first few nights, they stop waiting for their parents and start waiting for the cops instead.

Russ tries to give Temperance a good Christmas. She cries when she realizes that her parents didn’t miraculously return.

Russ cries, too, and tells Tempe that he loves her.

“I—” and she chokes. She chokes on the words, because those words were the last thing she said to mom and dad. She doesn’t want to say it again, lest Russ disappear as well.

Later, she thinks she might as well have said it. Russ leaves right after the new year, and Temperance is swept up into the foster system.

* * *

The next three years are hell.

She’s bounced around, never staying in one home for longer than a few months.

She’s able to finish out her senior year of high school without transferring schools. Thankfully, the two homes she was placed in that year were in the same school district.

The last one was a nice lady, but it was too late. Bones had already been hardened by the abuse and neglect from the previous families.

Mrs. Anderson tried to make her feel welcome, loved. Brennan kept her eye on the calendar the whole time, waiting for her 18thbirthday.

She’s accepted at every single college she applies to.

Mrs. Anderson bakes her a celebratory cake. She throws a small party, just her, Brennan, and a few other mutual acquaintances. She gives Brennan $200 in a card signed, “I love you.”

Brennan thanks Mrs. Anderson for the card and the money, and promises to put it to good use.

She says nothing about the “I love you.” She can tell that the old lady is disappointed that she didn’t say “I love you, too.” It’s only been two months, Brennan tells herself. Just because Mrs. Anderson is the nicest adult that Brennan has lived with for years doesn’t mean that she has to love her. That’s not enough time to form a bond.

* * *

It’s a boyfriend the next time. It’s her sophomore year of college, and to be honest, he’s more of a fuck-buddy than an actual lover.

He’s swee, and handsome, but he’s not very smart. Brennan struggles to make conversation with hi, and loses her patience when he can’t keep up with her train of thought. They end up having sex the majority of the time that they are in the same room.

That’s fine with Temperance, but Joe doesn’t seem to understand the issue. He thinks that they're dating, convinced that they're a legitimate couple. 

He buys her flowers and brings her dinner.

After a rather active round of sex, he rolls over to face her, and says, “I love you.”

Temperance freezes, her post-sex haze vaporizing instantly. “What?”

“I love you, babe.”

Temperance kicks him out of her room and tells him she needs to think things over.

She calls Joe that night and informs him that although the sex was great and despite the fact that Joe is a great guy, he’s just not able to hold intellectually stimulating conversations. She can’t be with someone who can’t keep up with her.

They don’t fuck again. Joe makes a few small attempts to convince Brennan to take him back, but she sticks to her word.

She doesn’t have time for boyfriends, anyway. Having a fuckbuddy was nice, but now that it’s over, she’s ready to throw herself into her studies.

* * *

The next “I love you” doesn’t come for a very long time.

It’s Booth.

They’re arguing (debating!) over a point of the case, and Bones gets carried away. She cuts herself off after realizing she’s been talking for two minutes straight.

“I love you, Bones,” Booth says, and he’s laughing.

They both pretend he’s kidding, and she yells at him for mocking her.

Booth lets it slide, and he doesn’t bring it up again. Every time he looks at her, though, Brennan can see it in his eyes. He’s in love with her, and she really wishes he wasn’t.

Don’t get her wrong, she’s honored to be so important to him. He doesn’t let a lot of people into his life, and she cherishes the fact that Booth is so open with her.

The problem is that she genuinely is not in love with him.

Yes, he’s attractive, and loyal, and kindhearted, and honest, and basically every single positive trait you look for in a romantic partner.

But something just isn’t there. She loves him platonically—she would die for him in a heartbeat. She even thinks she’d kill for him.

But she’s not _in_love with him.

And so, she never says those three little words.

She doesn’t want to lead him on or confuse him. They both pretend that he’s not in love with her and they carry on with their lives. Brennan does her best not to flaunt any romantic partners in his face. He dates other women, and Brennan does her best to make them feel welcome, so that Booth isn’t afraid to let someone into his life for fear that Bones will drive them away.

* * *

Ironically, it’s her dad that’s next on the list.

His return was one of the hardest things Brennan has faced in a long time. She hates that he left her, hates that he didn’t protect mom, hates that he’s only coming back now, nearly two decades after he left.

It makes everything she experienced in the foster homes seem that much more painful. She had told herself that her parents were dead, and that the homes were her only choice. Knowing that her dad had been alive and well that whole time breaks something inside her.

The first time Max says “I love you,” Brennan chucks the nearest heavy object at him and tells him to fuck off. Booth whistles low, and Bones snaps at him for teaching her bad anger-management techniques.

The second time, she just glares and tells him to leave her alone. Max sighs and makes up some bullshit sob story, trying to get Bones to let him past her defences.

She resists, and resists, and resists until something gives. She stops getting angry with him when he says it, and starts trying to say it back.

She can’t. No matter how hard she tries, she just can’t say “I love you, too.”

So she does the next best thing.

She sits her dad down in her office, and explains her shortcomings in cold, almost clinical language.

She tells him about Russ and Christmas, about Mrs. Anderson. About Joe and Booth.

“I just can’t, dad. I want to express my feelings, but something in me won’t let go of the fear.”

“You’re subconsciously afraid that if you tell me you love me, I’ll disappear again,” Max sums up. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I know you’re trying. That’s enough for me. We’ll work through this eventually.”

“I hate psychology,” Brennan says.

* * *

The only person she’s ever been able to say “I love you” to without fear is Angela.

Angela has proven over and over that nothing will take her away from Bones. Nothing and no one.

Angela has also proven that she loves Brennan more than anyone else. Temperance knows she can trust Angela.

It’s only natural that the two grow closer and closer together. It’s impulsive, the first time Brennan kisses the artist. The two of them had just been laughing, and Bones leans over and kisses Angela.

Of course, Angela being Angela, the kiss immediately turns into something else, and the two of them spend the night in bed, exploring each other quite vigorously.

One night turns into two, and soon enough the two women are in a committed relationship. Max threatens Angela, and Angela’s dad threatens Max. (He doesn’t threaten Temperance. Instead, he gives her a hug and tells her that he’ll be waiting for an invitation to the wedding.)

There’s a few weeks of awkwardness with Booth. He’s heartbroken, but eventually, he gets over the sadness. He’s glad to see Brennan so happy, and he can’t even be mad at Angela. He knows Brennan was never going to be his.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to see them together, but it’s more bittersweet than depressing.

Angela says “I love you,” every morning and every night.

Brennan says “I love you, too,” every time.

She’s no longer afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently all i write is 5 things fics, because this is the third in like, a month? its just such a convenient format for fanfics idk. I promise ill try to work on some other things, too lmao


End file.
